"Girl of your dreams"

So... I have been thinking, and wondering, why is it that i cant get that "girl of my dreams". And i think i came up with a few good reasons. 1- I am aiming WAY to high. 2- I dont think anybody really finds the girl of their dreams, because if they did, they wouldnt really be in their dreams, right? 3- I dont think there is that perfect girl, or guy for you girls, out there. I think the girl of your dreams will always be just that, and in reality, relationships take work and are never perfect. Im just pissed because im shooting for the stars, but im only hitting the top of the hill. I may be shallow, but i cant help that im not attracted to every girl that will give me a second glance. Ugh, life sucks...

A pirates life for me.

So, i have been thinking lately... I really want to be a pirate. How cool would that be? yeah, freaking awesome is right. So as of now, i have decided that when i get home, i want to grow my hair out long, grow out a beard like Captain Jack Sparrows, and be a pirate. I think i can totally pull it off... but i would like some comments on this, please let me know. In other news, i have less than 3 weeks until i leave... holy crap. Im excited and nervous and all of the above. Plus, girls are lame. the end

Procrastination= STUPID

So, Im trying to get ready for my mission right? and since im going to a foreign country i have to have a freaking visa... I think a Visa is the stupidest thing ever invented, and the process to get one is a million times worse. I have to buy something here, send it there, walk it another place, get something else and give it to this person so they can sit on it for 5 days and finally give it to another person who walks it down the hall 3 days later to lick it and shove it up their butt!!!! that was obviously an exaggeration but man alive this is ridiculous. Im sick of it. Thats all, peace

Im back!

So, its been a while, but im finally posting again. For those few of you who actually read this but dont know, i got my mission call, I am going to Buenos Aires Argentina and i leave on March 18th. Thoughs - Im excited, im nervous, im anxious. Basically i cant wait to go but at the same time i cant wait to get home and get going in school again now that i have finally decided on a major. I think Mike was wondering a while ago what major i decided, so to let everyone know, i decided on a physics major, and hopefully working for the CIA being a physicist when im all done. So thats all for now, hopefully i will post a few more times before i leave. Maybe i will have my mom or someone keep my blog updated while im out, we will see.
Peace and love

So sick of the same old problems.

So... Im going to look for another job. I have only been at this new job for a week but I cant stand it any longer!!! I mean, I know most jobs aren't fun and enjoyable, but I hate this job more than any other thing I have ever done before. So im going to continue working at this job until I have another one for sure. Im going to apply at like every place possible, even if I dont know if they are hiring or not. Im so sick of not having a job but there is no way I can last any longer at this one I have now. On another note, Im so freaking antsy to start school again that its ridiculous. haha. I finally decided on a freaking major and I cant even go to school yet! AGHHHH! Its driving me insane. Thats it for now, I had this desire to blog about something but I feel I didnt get it out yet so maybe next time. Peace

And life goes on...

So its saturday, September 20, 2008. Its approximately 12:36 pm. Its a lovely shade of gray outside, and I'm sitting at my computer listening to music. What a wonderful day. On a brighter note, its my sisters birthday today so happy birthday to her! So I found a job and I start on monday... I'm not so excited about this job though. Its at a call center, doing inbound customer service for USPS. Awesome... the only plus side to this job is that it pays $10.80 an hour and I will be working at least 40 hours a week. That adds up to a lot of money. I'm ready to start making money and to be able to pay for things. I'm so sick of depending on other people and not being able to buy things. Plus I owe people a whole bunch of money. Mostly my mom but I have a school loan to pay for and I want to continue going to school because I finally decided on a major. I also have a big plan for christmas, its going to be awesome but only if I can learn to save my money. haha. Still lonely as ever, but nobody wants to hear me rant about that anymore. I'm just hoping that with a new job and the ability to go out more that I will find some new friends, but who knows. Until next time, keep it real. Peace!

Will I ever be whole again?

"Nothing sucks more than being alone, no matter how many people are around." So this is the last line in an episode of Scrubs. First off, let me say that I absolutely love that show. Second, that is 100% how I feel and have felt for about the last 2 years. And no matter how much I try and make new friends or hang out with old ones, the reality of it is that people move on and move away and get married and whatever it is, things change. But I have been sitting around doing absolutely nothing since i graduated from high school. Now I haven't been lonely for that entire time, I did have one person who I could go to and it would take that feeling away, slightly. And I emphasis the word slightly because this person did absolutely nothing for me, and the only reason we ever did anything was because I pushed and pushed until something happened. But when I look back at it now, I think that maybe that attributed to my loneliness. I think I pushed so hard and trusted her so much that when it all stopped, I hit rock bottom and I don't think I have come up much, if at all. It sucks. As the quote says, nothing sucks more. Its like standing next to a fire but you can't feel the heat. I have had one friend for the past little while who has helped me out and kept me going, but I just found out tonight that he is moving... Imagine being at your lowest point in life, and all of a sudden your legs are swept out from under you so now you are even lower than you thought you could ever be. I am not bitter towards this friend of mine because I totally understand his situation and he just has to move, but it still sucks. Most people would probably tell me, just go out and make new friends. But after you have put yourself out there so many times, and especially with someone that means everything to you, and you are rejected almost every time... you start to lose faith in people and your ability to trust is ruined. Sorry this was so long and depressing, not like anyone really reads my blogs anyways, but I just needed to write something down. peace